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A Modicum of Purposelessness, Plethora of Disorganization

Photo by Daria Shevtsova on Pexels.com
It has been almost 2 months (1 month 18 days to be precise) since I wrote my last article. Not a big deal though, but I promised myself that I shall keep writing in my blog four times a month at least.

Have I fulfilled the challenge that I took, Photo by Allan Mason Pexels.com
Neither I have been bogged down with an intense workload, nor facing any health issues. However, probably I am facing mental trouble, big time. A tiny virus of purposelessness has infected me recently.

It’s hard to constantly keep myself motivated. I admit downhills are unavoidable. But sliding through a downhill for a long, long time eventually accelerates the fall that you can’t stop on a sudden.

Sliding through the downhill abyss, Photo by Volker Meyer on Pexels.com
For me, I make frequent plans from dusk till dawn. I make routines, book google calendars, use sticky notes, or different android apps – you barely name some trick, probably I have done that to keep myself scheduled. Albeit, I feel down when things don’t work in my way. In such situations, an unfinished task seems like a bottleneck to me. I try to choke it hard since that blocker has snatched all my attentions.

Seems like I have lost the bridge of focus, Photo by Maria Orlova on Pexels.com
I don’t think I have any OCD trait in my behavior. However, switching concentration instantaneously is outright challenging for me. Typically, I have a longer attention span, above the average count of 10 to 20 minutes. I can even spend hours concentrating on a single task. But unfortunately, whenever I need to refocus on a different job, it takes time for me to do so.

I was scheduled to go for a Ph.D. in Fall 2020. When in March 2020 I got to know that my admission has been deferred for a whole year, I was literally defocused from my daily chores. After three months of struggling with my perturbed inner self, I realigned my focus on doing business, and once again I was experiencing full concentration on my goal.

by Charlotte May on Pexels.com
If things worked as planned, I would have been in China to close a business deal by this time.

And then the travel embargo happened.

This bottleneck is once again refraining me from rescheduling my routine. But this time, at least I am not derailed from my ultimate goal of doing business. I admit a surge of purposelessness is trying to take over my mind. My daily work routine is getting messed up each day.

Maybe it is time for making a long-term routine. Short-term activities are always going to screw up. If one thing is screwed, I must switch to another instantly.

Photo by Budgeron Bach on Pexels.com
I’ll make that habit for sure, give me some time…

Ps. Using the word ‘I’ a lot proves that I am devaluating my tenet of being a free soul.

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Location: Dhaka, Bangladesh

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