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My First Day of Meditation

 

If you need self-control and mindful presence, try meditation

I am actively trying to restructure my life – mostly conform to a daily routine for personal rewirement.

In the process, today was my first day of vipassana meditation.

Last night I promised myself that I shall wake up at 5.30 am, every morning, and start my 15 minutes of vipassana meditation.

Today, I woke up at 5.30 am, and someone inside my mind somehow convinced me, ‘Well, it is too early. Look, even the sun is not up. Sleep for another 30 minutes. You’ll be fine.’

And I immediately fell asleep!

Seems like all my last night’s determination went in vain.

All I need is mental peace

And then, I woke up at 9 am, not even close to my daily 7-7.30 daily routine.

Perhaps, this came from my personal remorse and compunction. I felt, ‘Since I have already deceived myself, why not commit some extra crime!’

However, another important observation about my mindfulness – I can now hardly concentrate on anything.

When I was trying to focus on my 15 minutes vipassana meditation, my mind abnormally resisted and created physical pain to stop the meditation.

I could feel mental resistance and turmoil, some internal hormonal secretion was rushing inside, and I frequently felt the urge to stop the meditation in no time!

A perfect mental balance requires ages of active mindful consciousness practice

Well, somehow I managed to complete the full 15 minutes course. Today, my personal observations are –

· I have a toxic element inside my body, which frequently forces me to break my concentration. I don’t know what it is, but the feeling is real. It seemed like injecting medicine through my vein caused some sort of nervous breakdown.

· My mind has been wired to welcome instant gratification.

· I tend to think about multiple tasks at the same time and end up doing nothing.

· My mind is constantly wandering.

It is time to burn my boats and focus on the real tasks of life. Today my parents also subtly mocked my present condition – that I am jobless and don’t have a real aim in my life.

It is time to move on.

Location: Dhaka, Bangladesh

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